This Is The Reason We Have All Been F@%$ing Losing It This Month

2016-09-16 01:57:58Z
Carly Heading
Carly Heading

Taylor Swift is probably my best friend. I drink too much coffee, but so do you... Weird, Wild & Free.

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Have you been feeling super emo this month… like you know when you trip over on the road and you suddenly feel like your life is over?

Or you saw a dog walk up to someone on the street and you started to question your self worth because the dog didn’t walk up to you.

Maybe you and your bestie got in a fight because you ate the last piece of chocolate…

Or maybe your cat looked at you funny and you spent the next 27530 hours thinking you did something wrong to make her hate you.

Guys, breathe. It’s okay YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

It’s all f@#$ing in the universe.. you know the planets and stuff. But, we have good news. There is only a week left of this nonsense!

The reason behind us all being loopy AF is because...

Mercury is in Retrograde.

If that makes absolute no sense to you… never fear we have broken it down for you.

Because Mercury is located closest to the Sun, its orbit is much shorter than Earth’s. This means roughly about three or four times a year, Mercury speeds past Earth… like CYA LATER MATE. THIS is when Mercury is in Retrograde.

If you have a little stargaze during this time, you will notice that Mercury appears to move backwards… but don’t worry it’s not actually. You’re not going that crazy.

But THEN you might feel like you’re going crazy AGAIN because for some reason everything in your life starts going backwards. Your everyday living turns into the worst hangover you have ever experienced, mixed with a hint of the devil and period pain… AKA LIVING HELL.

Mercury rules all types of communication, including listening, speaking, learning, reading, editing, researching, negotiating, selling, and buying and the list goes on and on… it also rules all sorts of smart stuff like formal contracts and agreements, as well as important documents such as book manuscripts or term papers, agreements, deeds, contracts, leases, wills etc…

So basically when Mercury is in Retrograde we are all f%$#ed.

You might find yourself in some pretty wild situations while this is happening. Once again. You are not alone. (There should be support groups for this).

TOP Things Not To Do During Mercury Retrograde

  • Don’t Make Agreements
  • Don’t Start A Job
  • Don’t Try To Close The Sale
  • Don’t Initiate New Projects
  • Avoid Traveling A Lot
  • Don’t Purchase Computers
  • Don’t Repair Your Car Unless It’s A Must
  • Don’t Buy A Car… Not Even A Barbie Car
  • Don’t Buy Things. Not Even A Coffee Just Don’t Do It
  • Don’t Select A Roommate Or Move In With Your Partner
  • Don’t Date
  • Don’t Tinder
  • Don’t Live
  • Don’t Tweet
  • Don’t Instagram
  • Don’t Go Outside
  • Don’t Go Inside
  • Hide Your Wife
  • Hide Your Kids

(In all seriousness though… don’t do the top 10 in that list^)

Don’t stress guys… it will be over on the 22nd of September. Thank you Jesus.

The next Mercury Retrograde is from December 19th to January 28th 2017.

We also sometimes start to feel the effects of Mercury Retrograde a few days early... lol how f@$%ing wonderful.

Oh and it’s also a full moon and there's an Eclipse tonight… so like pray for your souls.

Good luck.

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